Many things happened this week.
Never had I expected so many things!..
Nah... Obstacles were rushing to my way...
I just can't stop. I cant break down so easily too.
This week, week 5... True self revealed and I really hate to see it.
Why... I treated everyone like an angel.. why ya guys ended up disappointing me by contradicting what I thought of you...
Tell me then,
how you define friend?.
how you define boy-gal relationship?.
I dunno the answer and yup, any idea peeps?.

We're living each and every day, interacting with our loving family and friends,
we learn new things each and every day in and outside school, we had lessons for every single topic, every single details of terms and definitions....
yet... yet we don't know a single thing about ourselves.
What exactly are we living for?...
I simply know neither of them.

I screwed up for my biochem quiz today...
a quiz that is merely 5%...
but it affect me so much that I'm wondering...
am I stupid or what.
I studied the quiz ahead of time,
I went through each and single details of the topic,
and I may be ending up failing my paper.

Just tell me...
pls enlighten me...
what is wrong with me...
I'm trying very hard to focus...
but I end up learning nth...
You know, I couldn't believe myself lagging behind so much cos I believed I'd done my part and should be alright...
I did well during my lower sec... they were new topics and I could catch up and handle them as easy...
poly... their works are fresh to me too...but...but why can't I catch up?.
What is hindering me?...
Is there a problem with my style of revision or simply and yet the fact that,
I'm a idiot.

I'm feeling so terrible... I'm trying so hard and yet I get nth in the end.
I'm like stuck in a dead end...
my mum is not there for me...
she's ignoring me for what I know bout a mth or more...
It's just that packet of blood that stained the relationship.
What had I done wrong?.
I'm asking for nothing!.
I want the past me and mum's love...
is it so hard to achieve?.
I always had that in the past,
and why is it so difficult now?...

Hey you know how much effort I'd put in these days?...
Hey I'm calling you out dearest god!.
What you want from me?.
Misery?.
Why not just end my life instantly and that will solve all problems.
Mum may cry for me showing that she cares for me at last...
And I need not worry for quizzes, tests and exams!.
I'm free cos I'll know nth.
Frame my photo up and rmb the sucky things I'd done...
An ugly person living in an ugly world.
I hate it.. I hate it!!!...
I've no dreams, I'm so far from hotel management...
my hope vanished and my heart had long died cos I'm doing things that are so insignificant!.

God, just a quiz and past results I'd gotten last semester tell me so much bout my future,
Dead end.
Nothing.
Failure.
I wanna wear a nice suit not a lab coat.
I wanna attend to my customers not the apparatus.
I'm hating myself and pls peeps, hate me now!...

When I think for my future,
I can't bring myself any further cos I see fictions.

I'm not asking for anything...
but pls return me what I'd in the past...
that belongs to me...
and hey, why are you taking them away from me?!.
I never done any crime, never kill, never condemn, never laugh at peeps' mishap...
Why are you doing all this to me?.
Rains... darkness... a dull me.

I hate to think of my bdae wish..
cos the three wishes I'd made never come true.
I don't wanna have bdae,
I want nth.
God... wth am I toking a bout...
Tear flooding my eyes and I can't see clearly...
only feel so alone and dead,
Once again, I hate myself.
I hate Amanda Lim Jieyi cos she's a nth, a failure...

Dead,
dead,