The weather is damn hot and I really cant stand it =(
Humid day, miserably doing CSAS presentation, missed my movie and no shoes to buy.
Wth...why can't I do smth that at least satisfies what I need and want.
I can't help being emo. I really can't.
I know I can control my feelings towards my friends but whenever I'm back in the shade, I've to cry a bit to feel better.
However, I don't feel any better.
All I can do is to use vulgarities to scold whatever shit that blocks my way and after then blame myself for being so stupid.
know wad, I failed a lot other quizzes too...
Wad else?. I studied them.
Bloody hell...what exactly fate wanna bring to me?!.
Can you like stop it, yah!. STOP IT!.
Sure you're shortening my life cos I'm not happy at all.
And it's not cos of some small cases, it matters to me alot!.
I've been suffering for almost a year since last year, what you want from me?.
I've been trying my best for everything, almost everything.
Do whatever I can but why you keep taking things away from me?..
I want them back and I mean it!.
Certain things really belongs to me and I need it badly..
I want myself back,
I want my mum to talk to me,
I want my results which I think I deserve(at least a PASS?),
I want my freedom,
I want my time with my sistas,
I want my time with lotus peeps...
I don't mind sacrificing time if my results show,
unfortunately it's not.
I hate my 2nd bro for creating the barrier between me and mum,
hate his everything.
He has never done his part as a brother.
He sucks and I mean it.
Definitely he deserves to have failed his relationship.
Childish is what I can say bout him.

A lot of sucky things happened to me, in school and at home.
So yah, enough of all these craps?.

Thinking and evaluating, I'm an idiot and a nth,
hence I'm disposing whatever wild decision I'd made this week...
Feels like stabbing my heart and let it dies off quickly then I wont be dehydrated by the lost of tears
I hate being trapped here... My comfort zone is gone.
After tears is dried and no solution is out yet, staring blankly at this stupid screen...
See how pathetic an idiot can be.
No dream no fun.
No one can help me, it really have to depend on myself...
kao...how am I going to endure all these craps...
I wanna shout out loud...
I wanna sing emo songs...
emo all the way...
why am I like this...
Don't even know who I am know...
an idiot for sure.

Hais. emo post again.
Peeps, don't bother i just need to type out to release stress.
I hate Biotech
FFFFFFFFFFF!.

Shit,
dead

Hais. Obviously I'm slacking now.
And I really hate AIMM!.
Don't understand a single theory of it.
Which idiot invented that.
So tired and hating life...hating life...hating every single part of school cos it ain't fun at all.
Only thing I like about is... PCT!.
Love doing the lab.
Hais..
So lazy to study and I still don't understand after spending 3 hrs browsing the textbook!.
Why why why...
why am I ended up in a course I hated the most,
SCIENCE!.
God, where's my HTM...
Why I sucks at my english and have to endure all these nonsense.
Sucks
sucks
sucks
The pain in me haven't yet subside.
I strongly disagree with what life thought of me!.
Timid, slacker, stupid...
I just wanna tell you that I can do it!.
Die die I must get a bloody diploma of Biology Molecular,
and head for Uni to get my degree for business.
damn u damn u damn u!.
wasted so much of my time for a diploma that serve nth for me.
I hate school I hate evrything!.
except for my sistas, Mich, Berries and other frens...
Hais.
Nvm, I'm toking craps again.
Hate it hate it!.
Hate what TP business school had did to me,
so irresponsible and sucks!.

I gonna do smth!.
Goal for first half yr of 2007:
Score well and pass all my term test papers.

If not...
Go and bang your head la Manda!.

Nth,
me

Many things happened this week.
Never had I expected so many things!..
Nah... Obstacles were rushing to my way...
I just can't stop. I cant break down so easily too.
This week, week 5... True self revealed and I really hate to see it.
Why... I treated everyone like an angel.. why ya guys ended up disappointing me by contradicting what I thought of you...
Tell me then,
how you define friend?.
how you define boy-gal relationship?.
I dunno the answer and yup, any idea peeps?.

We're living each and every day, interacting with our loving family and friends,
we learn new things each and every day in and outside school, we had lessons for every single topic, every single details of terms and definitions....
yet... yet we don't know a single thing about ourselves.
What exactly are we living for?...
I simply know neither of them.

I screwed up for my biochem quiz today...
a quiz that is merely 5%...
but it affect me so much that I'm wondering...
am I stupid or what.
I studied the quiz ahead of time,
I went through each and single details of the topic,
and I may be ending up failing my paper.

Just tell me...
pls enlighten me...
what is wrong with me...
I'm trying very hard to focus...
but I end up learning nth...
You know, I couldn't believe myself lagging behind so much cos I believed I'd done my part and should be alright...
I did well during my lower sec... they were new topics and I could catch up and handle them as easy...
poly... their works are fresh to me too...but...but why can't I catch up?.
What is hindering me?...
Is there a problem with my style of revision or simply and yet the fact that,
I'm a idiot.

I'm feeling so terrible... I'm trying so hard and yet I get nth in the end.
I'm like stuck in a dead end...
my mum is not there for me...
she's ignoring me for what I know bout a mth or more...
It's just that packet of blood that stained the relationship.
What had I done wrong?.
I'm asking for nothing!.
I want the past me and mum's love...
is it so hard to achieve?.
I always had that in the past,
and why is it so difficult now?...

Hey you know how much effort I'd put in these days?...
Hey I'm calling you out dearest god!.
What you want from me?.
Misery?.
Why not just end my life instantly and that will solve all problems.
Mum may cry for me showing that she cares for me at last...
And I need not worry for quizzes, tests and exams!.
I'm free cos I'll know nth.
Frame my photo up and rmb the sucky things I'd done...
An ugly person living in an ugly world.
I hate it.. I hate it!!!...
I've no dreams, I'm so far from hotel management...
my hope vanished and my heart had long died cos I'm doing things that are so insignificant!.

God, just a quiz and past results I'd gotten last semester tell me so much bout my future,
Dead end.
Nothing.
Failure.
I wanna wear a nice suit not a lab coat.
I wanna attend to my customers not the apparatus.
I'm hating myself and pls peeps, hate me now!...

When I think for my future,
I can't bring myself any further cos I see fictions.

I'm not asking for anything...
but pls return me what I'd in the past...
that belongs to me...
and hey, why are you taking them away from me?!.
I never done any crime, never kill, never condemn, never laugh at peeps' mishap...
Why are you doing all this to me?.
Rains... darkness... a dull me.

I hate to think of my bdae wish..
cos the three wishes I'd made never come true.
I don't wanna have bdae,
I want nth.
God... wth am I toking a bout...
Tear flooding my eyes and I can't see clearly...
only feel so alone and dead,
Once again, I hate myself.
I hate Amanda Lim Jieyi cos she's a nth, a failure...

Dead,
dead,

Wahahahas. Manda gonna crap here le!.
lol. Actually nth much la.. Just feel like blogging =P
Oh yah!. I'm not pissed off le, cos Huang Yan borrowed her MGEN textbook to me!
Finally I get my pictures!.
Wahahas. Peeps, I'll return asap for ya to borrow yea =)

I dreamy smth during my short nap today...
not a very nice dream...
and I even wonder whether it's true not -_-
Haisyo... hopefully not la.
I wanna wish all couples to be as loving as ever!. =)

I'm loving the local drama at 9pm channel 8!
So sweet!.
Haisyo.. what if I can only meet my prince at 4o?
Then my future plan of becoming a grandma at the age of 40 is destroyed totally???!!!!...
lol. Nonono!..
But come to think of it, it isn't that bad as you still meet your significant one =D
And if you can be loved by somebody so darlingly,
then life will be of no regrets...

Peeps, know you guys are somehow interested with my previous post.
Esp the last paragraph.
lol.
God, how do I explain this...
He's a model of a good friend,
a model of a good bf (from wad I know from her),
a model of a good husband....
hahahs!.
I'm definitely crazy now!.
Duh..wth am I crapping about -_-
Not cos of wad a person he is,
but the best he's always trying to give his friends,
he touched me,
and I learned alot of how to care and love my friends from him =)

Hokay...
I suspect I'm blushing now.
Bye peeps!.

Cheers,
Manda

haisyo!... So irrtitating la.
trying hard to find all the pictures and diagrams missing from MGEN notes, yet there's 'error gateways' of the websites!...
Rrrrr...
I still don't understand the topic, I need pictures!!!!!!..
Stupid school, stupid TP!. Pay them thousand over dollars for such crap notes, blank slides. Wth la!.
So tired le lo. Don't care, Huang yan will teach us tml, I assume and she must!.
Don't care le la!. =X

Hmm... Definitely smth is not right bout me.
Haisyo... Dunno how to explain too.
I'm just wondering if he'll be my everything on my bdae.
Or am I dreaming.
Sharks, wth am I imagining!.

Get ur ass on your bed right now la MAnda!!!

Luck,
Manda

Pathetic me sick again this week!.
Thought it was the weather that made me feels warm at night, but couldn't be...
the fan was blowing straight at me, couldn't be that hot.
Touched my forehead, had a bad instinct -_-
Asked my dad whether I'd a fever, he said 'no'
Yeap, maybe I've thought too much...
After that, I felt weak, hence I finally trust my instinct after tested with my thermometer T-T

Slight fever... but it was bad enough since I had last week already. =X
It subsides and attacks again.

But the next day is PCT quiz, I musn't miss it!.
Hence dragged myself to school.
So moody and sicky like a hopeless kid.
Parents dunno at all.
Dad promised to fetch me to school, but he was busy with his stuffs...
thus I went off first.
Mum... nah... she need not know.
She has no daughter at all.
Anyway, she never wanted a third child initially.

Met Issac and Michelle for lunch at Jupiter Cafe.
Had a Tuna Melt Sandwich,
so expensive and it tastes like shit!.
No appetite too... yucks!.

After quiz, slept and rested for awhile...
waiting for biochem lab.


Slack in the lab,
Huiyi, Yeeshin and Wengtat helped me out,
but I managed to invert the centrifudge tube XP
Btw, Thx alot guys!. =D

After that, went to meet my gals to have dinner cos mum didn't cook.
Hao's mum so sweet lo, buy me liang cha and gave me panadol to eat =)
My mum didn't do that, where's she?.
Nvm, I don't care much.

1 Jie brought me a big Pooh!...
Argh!.. I'm so happy!.
Another son for me!.. wahahahas!.
he'll be called Da Er Zi instead of Si Fei Zhu.
lol.

Then this morning I overslept cos too tired le...
hence missed my PCT lab, so sad la..
Heard Mich says it was fun!.
Rrrr... wanna ask Phoebe if she can let me do individually =D
Loving PCT for no reason!. =)

Now resting my mind,
had headache just now...
troubled me, lotsa works to catch up.
now sneezing and having sore throat.
hey, I wanan get better by tml!.
MUST!.

Oh yah, that reminds me of Taizi.
Saw him at bus stop 291.
he was with his gf bah.
Think he saw me, but I feigned ignorance.
lol.
So pai seh la...for no reason again -_-
he was accompanying his fren to wait for e bus
Once I board the bus, i saw his friend sitting in front of me,
I was so evil la!.
Cos I imagined kidnapping him and threatening him to tell me more bout Taizi!.
lol.
real stalker sia.
no no no...so wrong.
k lah, should put Taizi aside le, cos he has his gal le,
should be happy and contented then =)

My mind has somebody else too... so ya, cannot flirt la!.
lol.
Hmm... hais, crazy me.
Hokay, I gtg le. =D

Love,
Manda

Thursday

Had a long lab work... tiring...
but I enjoyed a lot =)
My groups were all so fun-loving and nice to work with, hence everything were done smoothly.
Good news for myself, I'm loving PCT lectures and lab!.. =P

Friday

Sick and had fever...
Don't feel well, no beef for me anymore!.
So annoyed by some ppl who has no sense at all.
Duh, asked me to do smth that is beyond my limit, when I'm sick!. rrr...
Mich ar, you must get well soon yea!.
Will be companion for Bee Hoon soup!. lol.
Oh yah!. Thanks to Huiyi and Wengtat to include me in CSAS group!.
Yea!. Will be working with the both of them, Yeeshin, Shakinah and Eikyawdsan [special name yea, she's from Myanmar (;]

Saturday

tired tired tired....
But still cont'd my work since I'd missed my friday lessons.
Now still working and studying...
Lotsa questions to ask my frens and tutors... -_-
Hopefully I won't trouble them too much =P

Peeps, Taizi has his sweetheart already. I'm out, no hope anymore. T-T
Hahahs. Though my heart did sink that day when I read his blog, but I promised that he'll just be my fantasy, hence I need not be affected at all.
Ya...now no Taizi. Everything to me now is extra except for my family, frens and studies.
Mum and Dad barely speak to me these days, what had I done wrong exactly again?.
Oh god, give me a break can. If ya guys dislike me so much, why give birth to me in the first place?.
I'm like a despo asking for my parent's attention.
Dots, what's with them man.
I just refuse to give in, nth is wrong with me!
I try my best for everything, and in the end they give me these craps.
Anyway, I understand certain life which I hadn't experience.
Hais, who can cheer me up now.
Who is willing to share every single opinions I have.
I'm a rebellion.
Kao, I just need my comfort zone.

Love,
Stupid & Ugly

This morning wasn't that good ):
Late for AIMM lect cos overslept and had a bad stomachache =X
Then poor Mich msg me that she felt dizzy after taking her med, so I want her to stay at home and rest more.
Reach school before 1pm, ganna questioned by a weird question which I dunno how to reply -_-
Nvm I think she's weird afterall.
Whatever, don't annoy me or you'll know the consequences. =(

Had PCT lect for an hour then MGEN lab after that.
Paul will be our future lab facilitator.
Nah, he has a weird character too -_-
Duh, why there're so many weirdos today!.
Btw, heard he's marrying soon, so ya, all the best then!.
lol.

MGEN lab ended an hour earlier, so waited 1.5 hr for Karate to start.
Roam around outside TP with a cup of Avocado Strawberry smoothie.
Hahahas.
This is how bored I'd gotten to -_-

Karate was fun today!.
We did some movements,stretching, jumping, squatting, running and kicking.
Hence, end up getting muscle pains. lol.
But afterall, it's worthwhile =) cos I'd learnt smth new!.
The coach there were really patient too!. They purposely did a slow move for me to catch up.
Cos I can't catch up =P
Overall, everything was nice and smooth.

Ks, back home, studied a bit and ltr gonna tuck in le.
Tml meeting my 3 babes for dinner after school, looking forward to have dinner again at mountain top!. Miss our 'old place' man.
Alright, that's all I have to say today.

Love,
Manda =)

if i had to live my life without you near me
the days would all be empty
the nights would seem so long
with you i see forever oh so clearly
i might have been in love before
but it never felt this strong
our dreams are young and we both know
they'll take us where we want to go
hold me now touch me now
i don't want to live without you
nothing's gonna change my love you for you
you oughta know by now how much i love you
one thing you can be sure of
i never ask for more than your love
nothing's gonna change my love for you
you oughta know by now how much i love you
you'll only chang my whole life throug but
nothing's gonna chang my love for you

if the road ahead is not so easy
our love will lead a way for us
like a guiding star
i'll be there for you if you should need me
you don't have change a thing
i love you just the way you are
so come with me and share the view
i'll help you see forever too
hold me now touch me now
i don't want to live without you
----------nothing's gonna change my love for you---------

Cool huh. I love this song a lot =)
Cos it's just so special =P
Argh!. Back ta study. Bye peeps!. =D

Love and Fantasy,
Manda

So tired...
again lectures tml...
Argh!. So tiring!.
Simply not enough sleep man. X(
Wanna sleep but can't leave my FPATH alone =X
Studied but will the things I'd learnt be relevant to what the quiz Marmar gonna give us tml?.
Haisya, hack care la.
Studied le, I'd done my part then.

Today went Bugis for a while and met some very lousy facial promoters.
Said my face got problem then need this and that facial, willing to give student price.
I reject them and they kept waving a mirror in front of me to point out the problematic areas they seen on my face...
kao eh... really feel like smacking their stupid faces cos I hate to see myself in the mirror under such a bright and strong light!.
Got phobia, so anyway, they irritated me.
If I'd learnt Karate, I'm sure to kick them till they fly to another planet!.
Rrrrrrr....
So angry and 莫名其妙!...

Hokay, waiting for 1 Jie to come over my house to get the Guzheng,
hopefully my darling can help her a lot =)
Will miss HER and I promise I'll go 1 Jie's house visit u de.lol. =P

Then yup, yesterday went NSRCC for our company's dinner.
Veneto's food very nice =)
It's our 10 yrs old birthday!. Still young =D
But too bad, not working there anymore =(
Had lotsa drinks yesterday, almost drunk.
Face damn red and ugly T_T
No drinks for me next time.
I mean not too much.

Me and Hao also decided to open a chalet on 11 Nov 07 for our birthday party!. =D
At Aloha perhaps.
but not the Changi one, cos super uloo...
ks, the rest shall be discussed further when we meet XP

And too, thx Meiqi ahyi and Maggie and Anderson xiao di for the decorations and foods.
It was very nice =)

Love,
Manda e irritated.

一个像夏天一个像秋天歌词-范玮琪(Fan, Wei Chi) 词:姚若龙 曲:陈小霞

　　第一次见面看你不太顺眼

　　谁知道后来关系那么密切

　　我们一个像夏天一个像秋天

　　却总能把冬天变成了春天

　　你拖我离开一场爱的风雪

　　我背你逃出一次梦的断裂

　　遇见一个人然后生命全改变

　　原来不是恋爱才有的情节

　　如果不是你 我不会相信

　　朋友比情人还死心塌地

　　就算我忙恋爱 把你冷冻结冰

　　你也不会恨我 只是骂我几句

　　如果不是你 我不会确定

　　朋友比情人更懂得倾听

　　我的弦外之音 我的有口无心

　　我离不开Darling更离不开你

　　你了解我所有得意的东西

　　才常泼我冷水怕我忘形

　　你知道我所有丢脸的事情

　　却为我的美好形象保密

Argh!. Love this song super much!. =D
Enjoy this song from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M87Wy8ehtZw&mode=related&search=
peeps!.

Love and happy,
Manda

Today so lame!.
An hour of PCT lab and end school straight after that -_-
Waste of time and money!.
But it was great to make new friends in lab too. hahahs.
Sound so funny hor. lol.
And yea, had lotsa fun with Huiyi and Aldon in Toys'arus ( did I spell correctly?.)!
We were like kids, playing and crapping around!.
had burger king before that,
student meal is so cheap!. =P
Then they accompany me back to take bus 23 again (thx peeps!),
me so gia gia (scared scared) again... (They should know why then XP)
Wahahahs!. Shh...!

Btw, so sry ar dearie, didn't know u were released early this afternoon and can't accompany you =( Felt so guilty T_T
Anyway, don't let any unhappy things affect you so easily ks =)
Cos they are all so redundant that you need not bother at all.
People love to gossip but some just don't know their limit, as long your mind is clear, you're fine.
And don't forget, everyone plus me will always be there for you!.
I just love to see you and him in that kind of pure relationship wor!.
Keep it up!. lol.
Muahahahs.

Loving,
Manda

Had two short lectures today, AIMM and PCT.
wait for 4 hrs again in between lect -_-
but to my relief, two hours were spent fruitfully on FPATH online discussion as well as our face-to-face meeting. lol.
Everyone was like stoning there while CK typed out the answer. Gonna browse it again ltr =P
After PCT lect at 2pm, chit-chat with ShuHui (Did I spell correctly?.lol.) and Michelle bout Karate.
hence, question in mind: Should I join Taekwondo, ELF or Karate?.
I wanna focus on just ONE.
Finally, I chose Karate.
Gonna challenge myself XP
Though Taizi not there, but I'll still work hard de!. To show...to show...hmm...
I'm MAN?!. Duh...wth am I thinking about.
Alright, then met up with 1 Jie, 6 meis and 6 meis fu for lunch at CS.
Then 1 Jie shared the movie Sunshine with us, wow, seems to be a nice show =)
But a lot of my friends who have seen it, said it sucks -_-
hahahs. So...I shall save my money then =P
We then went to take lift and you know what, we met this cute little baby gal!..
Argh... So so so so cute!.. And her parents are very young. Both below 20!.
But who cares, the baby is cute after all, thanks goodness they kept this angel =D
I love her smile!.. Hope my baby will be like her, love to smile and kick!. lol
Hais, I wanna have baby before 24, but know it can hardly be true -_-
Then we met Eric cos he gonna pass a book for 6 meis's reference.
This man is really a good man lo.
He deserve a very nice gal in future man!. So Eric ar, stop being a hardo gay!. lol.

Hmm chat with Mich a lot of stuffs. She's so adorable!. lol. See the way she blush and turn gentle suddenly, she's another Mich we hardly see! =) Kawaii des ka!.
Gal ar, we've lotsa topics to catch up man!.
Shall chat more tml yea!

Hokay, nitey everyone =)

Btw, wanna thx Kent for... everything bah =)

Love.
Manda

Mama still dao-ing me.

lol.
I dao-ed her too, nth much to explain myself.
She'd cooked nice fish for me again, intending to give me more nutrition.
but I think I'll get much more better if she speaks to me. lol.

Oh yah, and she must must talk to me, cos she promised to buy me a new nike sneaker =P
Wahahas. At Queensway. Wonder if this day will come true -_-

Had a long lecture as well as break today.
Feel so died.
but joking around with my friends made me feel better =)

Hais, TonBerry playing majong tml, really can't join.
No money no mood.
plus the WW3 I'd at home discourage me to go out.
Think I'll stay at home and study bah -_-

Hokay, had a nice day overall =)

Oh yah, come to think of this, why Wengtat's password is er hmm... lol.
heehee.. Is there smth I might need to know?.

Love,
Manda