Really have to wonder whether I have any heart disease -.-
Really have to wonder whether I have any heart disease -.-


Really have to wonder whether I have any heart disease -.-
Cos a short walk can actually cause my heart to pounce so quickly!.
Am I going to die at young age?.
God, what am I talking about.
Anyway, today is a bad bad day..
No good for me and some peeps.
Failed 4 tests out of 6, definitely I'm disappointed cos I swear I had invested a lot of hard work.
So tell me this time, what is wrong with me again?.

Especially for AIMM, I'd really studied thoroughly, but why it ended up like this?.
So you're telling me that I'm stupid or what?.
Yah, Frenly is right that no one is stupid, she said I'm hard working but I told her
"What's the use of being hard working and yet failing your paper so pathetically?."
I know I'm not smart but I do believe somehow I should be able to pass and why it ended up such state?.
I can keep telling myself that nah it's okay, there must be a way out!.
And yah, perhaps you didn't put in enough effort.
Target: study everyday, revise your work.
Process: Don't understand, consult friends and lecturer and even made an attempt to search and borrow textbook home to read out.
Results: Out of 6, 4 failed.
Conclusion: You're simply a failure, a nth. Tell me Manda, what's filling your head?.
Perhaps Ke Wee, Kok and rest are right, big head filled with plain air.
I don't blame anyone cos come on, that's your problem.
Some ppl are doing well, and why can't Manda?.
Think about it, even there's no potential, there's still hard works?.
Doesn't that counts?.
I rejected Mr Sam when he asked me to work,
now thinking back, why should I have done that?.
I can help Sam and earn money cos studying during that past few weeks were indeed useless.
So you're telling me that I study just to get some marks but not a pass?.
What a joke.
But I'm not sad at all, just felt that life is kidding me man.
Firstly, I'm so far from my dream, an ambitious Hotel Manager.
I don't even know the basic of it.
Secondly, I'm doing so badly for my course.
I can't adapt to the academic style of AS and yah, exam is just in 2 months time?.
When Mdm Huang Yan spoke to me, I can't help stopping my tears from flowing.
I know she meant well, she's trying to help.
She even asked me to consult Miss Chew and Mr Poh for AIMM, but I told her there's no use, cos only way for me is to read up the textbook and I can then grab the concept.
Know why I hate studying outside?.
Cos discussion develops more misconception and hence you may not be learning the right thing.
And that when I'm studying with my friends, I just can't focus cos I'm easily disturbed.
So peeps, let's try to focus during lecture ks. No craps unless class is over =)
I'm slow, I really need to learn how to focus well.

In a corner, Carmen, Frenly, Mark and Isaac were waiting for me.
Peeps, I'm really touched. :)
Thanks for all encouragements and patience to wait.
At least I know I hadn't regret coming into this course just to know to you guys.
Seriously, it doesn't matter if I drop out in the end and I won't feel that I'd wasted my time.
I'd given trust and I'm rewarded with these ppl.
Without you guys, I would have left AS and even TP.
Time is precious cos we're rarely meet and whenever ya guys ask for an outing, I would really wish to join in the fun cos I don't wanna miss out the chance to be with you guys.
And I'm so guilty to have ps ya guys after biochem test for pirates movie.
Know mood is another issue, but you guys tried hard to coax me to join ya guys for movie and though failed, you guys still bother to msg and console me.
When I'm down, never had I felt lost cos ya guys will always be there trying to help me.
Actions speak louder than words, that's why I've simply no doubts on you guys. =)
Though I know the clique is somehow dispersed, I don't blame anyone, but just to blame the situation we were put into.
No one is right or wrong, that's definitely.
Hais... I'm missing everything I had in the past.
Can I have the clock to turn anti-clockwise?.

Was so hungry just now.
But I can't just leave the rest like that.
Now my stomach don't feel well again.

Know Mich was fuming and trying to make her best smile,
but I was already in her stand, cursing the gal.
So angry and feel bad for her, cos yah,
she's really the victim.
Don't wish to brood bout it.
Anyway, since actions speak louder than words,
me and Kok shall solve the problem with the rest.
Yeas, we must solve by tml!. =)
Mich, Manda will help you de.

And yah Kiwi, know you're quite upset and stressed over some stuffs.
But you need not feel so empty and that sounds so wrong.
lol.
Though I'm so frighten of you fearing that you'll attack my head anytime, but I do treasure you as a good fren and senior who is always willing to help.
Yeas, it's true that you should care for yourself more as you cared too much for the others and now that you may miss your step and feel upset sometimes.
I heard Ruby said before, there's so many flowers in the garden and not just one.
None of the flowers is perfect but it comes to this state that you may need to analyze which flower is worth plucking and won't end up hurting your fingers.
You may find it unique but when it comes to a forever thingy, it may turn out to be tragedy.
No matter, be your usual crazy kiwi and seriously at this point, I don't see any wrong in JH-ing now.
Bare in mind that you're not 59, you're only 19.
There must be a time when your true love will come true =)
That applies to Bryan bro too!.
You may love your ex, but yah, you don't know when it actually fades when time is up.
Though Manda says it's so impossible to get a prince cos yah she's ugly and blah blah blah...
But come to think of it, fate is not here yet.
I may need to wait.
Everyone is having their significant ones, I'm worried cos I'm not good enough.
But come to think of it again, no one is perfect.
I don't mind dating with a plump guy with a nice heart.
Ultimately, we'll both grow old and believe to love each other more cos we'd gone through so much.
And when we die, we're left with purely ashes.
So what's beauty is what your heart is filled with, isn't it?. =)
Being so insecure yet insane over a crush, that makes me ridiculous but I just can't help it.

Hokay, finally, I reached home and mum just before me.
Poor mummy is not feeling well and so worried and angry of her lah..
Know she wanted to work to earn enough money for our allowance but I rather I'd bread and water everyday and she can rest well at home.
The place don't deserve such a good worker like her lah..
And heard she's always being bullied.
Kao, really annoyed.
Damn this people.
Think she had fell asleep after eating oatmeal.
I cook de leh XP
She said can pass.
Wahahahahs!..
Heehee.
Mummy I love you!. And I want you to get well soon!.

Hokay lah, bro waiting for me to use the com till he falling asleep too.
lol.
Think this is the longest post I ever had bah.
Enjoy reading peeps.
Though ya, it's full of craps and emo stuffs.
But Manda is alright, she just need to take an hour sleep and she'll get hyper later.
Muahahahs.

Cheers,
Manda

Hais
Hais...
Time flies and ya.. school gonna reopen soon.
Haven't even touch on my assignments.
One and a half day to go T.T
Hokay... there are 3 reports and 1 CSAS paraphrasing shit thingy?.
Rrrrr...
Hate it all after the term test.
Demoralized me when I put in so much hard work.
No way, gonna pass my semestral exam this time round!.
If I fail again, I shall really bang me head le.

Hokay, basically this week wasn't that fulfilling for me.
Slack through all the way till Thursday where I met Tonberry for buffet dinner in Merchant Court.
Seriously, I still find their service sucks.
No standard at all -.-
We'd fun, and it was a celebration for Sheena's birthday too =)
Happy birthday Sheena!. lol.
But have to owe you guys birthday presents cos I'm quite broke T.T

And friday was 4 Jie's birthday too =D
7 Jie meis finally gathered again but Jie fu and meis fu were missing =(
Lol.
But know they were busy, and I promised 7 Jie meis that I'll organize a real and nice gathering-cum-anniversary for ya guys!.
I must must make it come through!.
Oh yah, then we went over to Fisherman's village and surprised 4 Jie's birthday with the help of the staffs there.
Lol.
So sweet of them as they volunteer to play the birthday song for 4 Jie =)
This is what I call as good service!.
Hahas.
Then 4 Jie actually didn't recognize us cos he wasn't wearing his contact lens -.-
lol.
No matter he looked so lost. Hahas.
Chee Swee, Leonard, Kok Tong, 3 Jie, Jeremy, Yong Long were already there to celebrate 4 Jie's birthday, thx peeps again!.
Hahahs. 1st time I saw 4 Jie looking a bit touched and kept thanking us.
Haisyo 4 Jie ar, don't be so ke qi lah!.
We're all one family le =D
Manda never fail to stop loving 7 Jie Meis even just a second XP
Woots... So mushy.
Wahahas.

Yeah.. Then we took bus back to hao's house and played majong.
After that, I was a bit tired le, so pass on to 1 Jie and I watched VCD instead XP
Argh!!... Quite scary leh!!.. Forgot the name of the movie.
Only remember Mary Shaw..
She has no children, only dolls..
She's already dead, but her soul remains to kill those who scream and they shall lose their jaws!!!!!!!!......
Eeeeeehhh...
Er xing da bian lo =.=
Hahahs. But a nice movie lah =D
Thx 1 Jie for introducing it!.

Ks, then slept straight after the movie,
chat with hao for a while and boom!..
to lalaland le.....

This morning was so tired and slept till 2pm plus.
Cool, had enough rest le =D
Wahahas.
Waiting for mum to return home and I gonna clean up the house le!.
byebye peeps!.

Love,
Manda

Hmm...
Hmm...
6 meis is right, has been moody these days.
But that's just part of the reason...
But nvm... nth really matters much.

When I'm super duper angry, I'll try suppress my anger to the minimum and tell myself there's nth to be annoyed with.
When I'm starting to get jealous, I'll tell myself too bad that I don't have that kind of blessings, accept the fact then.
When I'm always sad and no one to talk to, I'll try watching a nice comedy that will brighten up my day.
When I feel frustrated and feel like shouting out loud, I'll make those vociferation to tone down into a song which I feel like singing.
When I'm feel energized and happy, there seems to have no room for me to share.

Hoping that I don't have feelings at all, hence I won't be pissed off easily and won't even think of getting a bf at all.
When I have no feelings, no emotions, then at least I can concentrate more and help others more as well.

Hais...
Manda ar...
You really need to buck up.
No matter what you'd seen or heard, be happy that at least you have your 5 senses.
A complicated thoughts of mine will never fix into a right person.
Never.

Argh!!!... Cheer up Manda!.
Got a lot of questions to ask... but dunno who's the right candidate too.
Whatever, Anything!
You better cheer up Manda you asshole!!!.
RRrrrr..

Wahahahahas...
Sobbs...
Complicated piece of mind.
Stop it!.
Hokay, time to sing sing sing!.

SiaO,
Manda

Thursday 14th June 2007
Thursday 14th June 2007
------------------------------*
Hokay, the most happening event of the day is supper!.
So sad that 2 Jie and 6 Meis can't make it =(
Or we've lots to catch up and talk about!.
Congrats 2 Jie!. For being attached and be loved =)
So happy for you darling!. =D
And Javier, you must must and better take good care of my 2 Jie!.
Or I will...!@#$%^&*
I'll also karate you!.
And poor 6 Meis had fever...
Meis ar, get well soon =)
Not too much late nights for you le!.

Alright, basically we'd a fun night yesterday crapping and eating =D
First, we went to Bugis makan dou hua you tiao and vegetable dumplings!.
next, we move on to Mr Bean Cafe to have coffee =)
But, both orders that 7 Meis and I made, were rather disappointing =(
But nvm, we still had fun chit-chatting!.
Basically chat bout dress codes and fashions =)
After then, we move on to Geylang to have dou hua you tiao again..
and it seems that I'm the only one eating the most XP
Seriously, I felt like a pig!. lol.
Then 1 Jie had cha ye dan too =)
1 Jie, eat more next time!!!...
Finally, 1 Jie ta bao some you tiao home for her mom and I'm so afraid to see you tiao again!.
So oily and so guilty!.
Hahahahs!...

Eric then fetch us home =)
Yup, so nice of him...
hey gals, grab this guy!.
He's a really nice guy lo =)
Deserve a nice and cute gal too =D

Then ya... had some thoughts.
But dunno how to name them here.
But nvm, not impt too =)

Friday 15th June 07
-----------------------*
Went out with my darling ex 2/8 gals today!.
And as usual, I'm late due to bad stomachache =(
Maybe cos I'd too much dou hua the previous night =P
We then went orchard shopping and accompany Lao po and Gena shop for their make-ups, and Lao po alone for gifts.
And Jie Yun finally got her white cute jumper at bout 70 bucks or above?.
lol.
See, all my gals so rich la!.
Manda is the poorest among all. T.T
Hahahahs.
Oh yah!.
Can't forget to mention bout Village restaurant.
Concept a bit like Marche but think cheaper and need not service charge.
However, their service sucks like hell.
I definitely won't dine in again!.

Hokay, that's about it.
So sry Mich and Ke Wee for last minute cancellation of supper tonight.
Cos really not feeling well T.T
Make it next week ks?. =)

That's all I think. Sleepy too XP

Love,
Manda

Wednesday 13th June 07
Wednesday 13th June 07
-----------------------------*
Today is Ish and Gimkai's birthday!.
lol. what a coincident!. =)

Felt really sorry for Ish cos I was late for lunch while the birthday actually reached before me and even waited me for quite sometime T.T
So sorry gal!!!...
Ya...
sorry for causing the hot nice mashed potato to turn cold.. X(
We then discussed bout 21st birthday gathering.
I was suggesting merchant court's buffet dinner.
Heard it was 35 bucks per pax, thought it was rather reasonable yea =)
Thx Meiqi ahyi for the information!. =D

Btw, mOomOo was so cute and always friendly!... hahahas.
But think she'd mistaken me as Ruby as we both wore black shirts.
lol.
And one thing we noted from her : she loves walking in circular motion!.
So adorable!!!... hahahas!.
And ya la, Ruby and WeeWee were so crazy yesterday!.
Kept crapping lame jokes -.-
hmm.... so cold~
bth. lol.

After that, many peeps have to leave and left Mich, Ruby, WeeWee and me to katong play pool.
Ish was just a beginner and yet her performance so astonishing la!.
lol.
She played much more better than me!.
God, Manda really dunno how to play le. T.T
And that I recalled Mich's stick nearly knock on my nose. Hahahs!.
Of cos I react fast to save my already ugly face!. lol.

After pool, everyone has the craving for katong laksa!.
But I can't have that cos no time to settle down and eat due to to karate training.
Hence the rest ta bao and I bought a chicken burger to makan lo.
So oily and full T.T
Ruby's suddenly don't feel well in the stomach, hence decided to take cab home.
And the cab driver was so funny la.
Crap all the way then serious talk bout education and career stuffs..
I only listened cos felt dizzy on the ride -.-

Reached school, rushed to SAA.
Whew~
I wasn't late XP
Managed to change on time and Sensei helped me to tie my belt =\
So sorry again, cos I kept forgetting how to tie the belt! X(
Ya...then as usual, had fun training and found myself not improving!. T.T
The main problem lies on my leg, can't stabilize and kick well.
Looking at how the orange belt trained, don't dare to think of competition liao -.-
No, I must trained really hard!.
Cos I love karate! =D

After training, we celebrated our captain Gimkai's birthday.
Wonder whether there was a baby boom during every month of June. lol!.
The rest bought him birthday cakes and Sensei made a black belt with his name on it.
That is what I can see from far.. looks like chinese characters.
Heard it was expensive too =O
But Sensei really a nice person, even blanja the rest for dinner.
Was actually joining them, but can't leave dear Ish alone.
In fact, she left her birthday free for Tonberry!.
Hence, can't disappoint her since she waited with the rest till my karate training ends!. X(
So sorry gal again X(
As usual, we (xl, Les, Mich, Ish and me) went to coffee shop opposite school to have dinner.
Gek joined us a while later.
God, felt so angry for Mich la.
Her dessert has no taste at all!.
Wth, don't they need to add a bit of syrup?.
And their service sucks too.
Pui!.
On the way back to bus stop, saw Sensei, peanut, Yi Jia and rest having dinner...
At the moment, really hope I can get to know them better.. but too bad, didn't manage too =(
I must join them next week!.
To see what's actually going on with their conversations XP
I'm really a KPO.

Rushed back to White Sands Mall's Mac and met with Tingan and Ericko.
Lol.
Tingan was so lame la!.
kept laughing at my fringe... very funny meh?!.
Rrrrr... hahhas.
But he was really lame la!.
And my son Ericko had grown taller than me!.
Hais.. see I old le la... had stop growing since O level =(
Nvm, I dun wanna be so tall too.
Looks so awkward when I'm fat and that makes me look like a giant!. T.T
They then accompany me to Pasa Malam buy some snacks cos haven't had my dinner yet.
Bought siew mai and cheese sausage.
See, so fattening again!. T.T
Son then acc me home after parting with Tingan at the traffic junction.

Then we talk bout school and stuffs.
Heard bout the 1000 essays which I thought I'd heard 1 Jie doing that in her 1st year too.
Wau seh...seems so chim lo.
hais.. But Biotech kills too.

Ks, that's all bout today.

Wish:
1. 6 meis and Ruby to get well soon.
2. Can strike 4D!...
3. Kor to come back and play with me XP

Love,
Manda

When one is of insignificant,
no one would even care to take a glance.
When one is of fame,
everyone treats you as god.
See, this is how the society works.
If you're bad-off and inferior,
you shut up and others speak.
If you've the money and power,
you speak while others listen.
This is how people treat their own beings.
Sad yeah?.
If you're smart,
whatever thing you say is logical.
But if you're a bit slow like me,
you'll have to accept criticism.
What do you feel?.
Think... come on think...
Put yourself in others' shoes,
how would you feel if someone discriminate you?.

One thing to question some peeps,
do you really feel the joy in you when you get to make fun of the others?.
Feel HIGH huh. -.-

Hais. Actually nth happened,
only some memories in the past freak me out.
Hahahs.
Pls don't ask me why and who,
I just hate to talk bout the past.
Felt that it really wasted my time and effort T.T

Whatever!. It doesn't affect me anymore!.
I've peeps to treasure and I know it's worth it.
=)

Be happy Manda, try to love yourself a little though I know it's hard to.
But yah, it'll make you happier.
Think of positive side,
give complements,
and that makes you a better person I think =|

lol. Yeah byebye!.
Slacking time XP

Love,
Manda

Finally, term test is over!
Finally, term test is over!

Yeah!. But I know I would fail all, or if lucky, at least pass 1.
That is Fpath.. and as for the rest, gone case -.-
Seriously, I'm working uber hard, but why is my credit?.
Hence, this time really conclude that I'm scientifically-disabled T.T
lol. Sounds a bit weird, but the main point is I can't make it for Biotech.
I'm really wasting my time.
Hate school, dislike some of my classmates but love my AF-15 clique and Tonberry.
They're ppl whom motivated me to stay on, if not I would have left le X(

Basically, nothing much happened during term test period.
It's all bout studies and crap. lol.
However, quite a lot of stuffs happened in Tonberry, happy and sad.
Somebody's existence has really caused lotsa unhappiness and commotions among the family.
'Distrust' is what I can define my person opinion to her -.-
Whatever, just stop hurting my friends can!.
Rrrrr...

Tml will be Jian and my korkor's birthday!.
God, I nearly forgot bout kor's birthday, feel so guilty X(
I'll try get a cake for him too ;)
Great man!. Gonna meet my 7 sistas soon!.
WOots!. Emo period is gone and I want my happiness to come near me!.
Come to me babe!. XP
lol.
Muahahhas.

Feel happy for many couples around me.
Cos they look so sweet to me!. lol.
Not appearance but how they deal with one another ;)
Hais... When's my prince coming?.
Where's he now?.
What will he look like?.
Or there's no such person?!.
Then I gonna be alone for life?!...
Hais... Told many peeps that I'll look much more appealing if I'm a guy...
Why am I a girl?!.
Ugly me, really hating myself, my face, and my fat figure -.-
lol. Emo-ing again. wth.

Yeap, I really like him a lot.
Till I can think of him anytime...
but so what... I can't let him know.
As what the rest said, I shouldn't confess.
Why not be very good friends and I won't delay his time too.
Yeah... this should be it then...
But I still can't believe that it's such a coincident that he's my friend's ex.
So yah... can't believe, can't do anything...
Moreover, this shows that he likes cute girl.
Too bad I'm not under that category.
Duh...kill me man!.

Haisyo.. wth am I thinking!.
Just shut out all thoughts!.
Wanna play, wanna sun-tan, wanna slim down, wanna run, wanna karate!.
lol.
Yah, just play hard for this short 2 weeks!. =)
But... I need ta find myself a job soon!!!....
No money = No entertainment = No life = Plain waffle and Pearl Milk Tea for entire week
lol.
I don't mind anyway.
But got lotsa events going on, so gambatte kudasai!.

Love to:

My family
7 sistas
ex-2/8 buddies
Tonberry
AF-15 clique

No them, no Manda =)

Cheers,
Vodka! -.-

Yessa!.
Finally I'm sort of done with Fpath.
That was nearly hell?.
Nah...wasn't concentrating anyway -_-
And I really wonder why the first sentence of all my posts are missing!.
Gonna check it out in my settings!.
Then yah...
Befriended with Edema, apoptosis, necrosis...
Then u can compare apoptosis and necrosis.
Similarities: Both refer to death of cells in the end
Differences: Sharks... having STM now -_-
See see see!... How to study!.
God, I need pig brains!.

Hais. know smth that stunned me twice this week.
Really, I can't take it.
By the way, why am I so worked out?!.
lol. But he's my friend, I have to care!.
hahahs.
Nah nah nah...
so disappointed again.
Hope Tonberry will never change!.
So glad that I finally adapt to ya guys,
and Manda love it very much!.
Thanks peeps again!.

And I wanna apologise to many peeps,
esp my sistas and lotus ppl,
didn't mean to MIA,
but really cos of school work that I can hardly breathe!.
Manda promise she'll meet ya guys soon yea!.
To compensate the MISS-ings I'd caused ya guys too XP
Argh!. Gonna bring lame jokes to ya guys too!.
Wahhahas!

Lastly.. he asked me out to study.
I really wanna join him but seriously too sleepy X(
Regarding whether to confess, I really have doubts.
Nah nvm..
Miss him!.
lol.
ks, bro chasing me out XP
He's a sleepy pig lah!.
Muahahahas!

Love,
BACK

When night falls, thought of my work not yet done.
When hot sun embrace this little earth again, I really hate to wake up cos I just dun wanna study -_-
So tired and saddening.
Obviously lotsa things happened.
One of them is bout my care group,
so disappointing.
and don't worry Mich, we can overcome it all! ;)

Yesterday was discussing with Mich, Sheena and Ruby...
God, lotsa stuffs to do!.
Plus the 3 of them will be having ELf camps!.
Poor them, will be so tiring X(
And me, will be having karate training as well.
Argh!. I must train myself well and be my best =)
Never be afraid to fail!.

Oh yah, that reminded me that I saw Taizi and his gf...
Hmm...what can I say...
Yah... First time that I comment a girl that is so-so looking...
lol. But I didn't mean that I'm better than her or what la, just didn't expect Taizi's taste is lyk that...
ya.. I'm still ugly anyway... now worry..
Btw, he's a flirt, so why bother so much.
Hate guys who are such sort of person, shameful!. And jerks!.

and there's a cool scene we'd seen in TM yesterday!.
A big gang of Ah Bang acting as heroes trying to help a lady get her stuffs back from the young theif!. ( I assume)
lol. Anyway, Ah bang are still kind and cool de ks!.

After that exciting MOVIE, I went over to 1 jie's house to stone XP
lol.
They were playing majong, I just had one game then pass over to 7 meis cos I don't feel like playing.
Can't focus. Really had a long day... can't stand it.
Then I was so damn quiet throughout!.
And it's seriously not Manda lo!.
I asked Hao and she felt it too,
Hahahs. So sry, maybe cos I'm too tired.
Right after my term test, Manda will be back again =)

Love and thanks to:

Mich
Sheena
Rubayn
Carmen
Friendly
My 7 Jie meis
Qing sista
My sec sch buddies

for everything.
Seeing ya guys made me love myself more cos I wanna share my joy with ya guys too.

Sians,
study~