Today is such a teary day for me.

Due to...
1. A red mark for lecture quiz again.
It neva change for the beta.
It always gets to the worse.
you can give lotsa reasons why I did so badly but all I could say there are excuses.
Come to the point that I'm such a dumb student.
Anger rises and disappointment just don't fade away.
getting such a result makes me feel more dumb.
Yes I know I am.

2.Dreamed of my uncle and he doesn't seems to be good up there.
I heard his voice and his name.
Somebody called him and somehow I took a glance on him.
He had a slashed through his face, head a bit dented and I can see stitches too.
He seemed to be hiding from me.
I don't know why...
But at the point, I didn't know how to react,
just to see him peaking at us, or maybe me alone.
Cos I dunno hu's around me too.
Once I opened my eyes and recall the scene,
it hurts alot.
I don't feel it scary at all, thought I would.
Why he left us so early...
yes yes it's an incident I know...
but why it falls on him?...

How much more am I going to lose?.
One day I may die with nothing, am I right?.
I may die with lotsa hatred and disappointments I'd in life.

Alright some happy things to share too =)
Yes great this week is over,
managed to clear 2 rather important ppt presentation.
Didn't really feel nervous,
it's just too cold inside the room.
And Matty had entertained the class with his "er hmm", "oh nvm", etc.
He's born with all his craps in his mouth man.
And it gonna be a bonus to him in future.

After then, we went to downtown to makan.
Had Pataya rice for both me and Huiyi.
It was nice but I feel there's room for improvement la.
LOL.Not enough taste.
And our stomach wasn't satisfied.
So KW dropped us at central,
and we strolled along the new pasam malam opposite central.
Nah... unhealthy food again.
Went on to sweet-talk to buy milk tea.
Suck and talk again.
Btw, the Dough house had changed it's outlook and concept.
Turned to Bake Inc.instead.
However, the shop remains the same and ya la,
smart of them to save the renovation fee.
LOL.

Okay, from here, please rewind it back to wednesday.
Had dinner with 6 meis.
Thx for having the short accompany that day.
At least I had laughed heartily and released my stress.
Talk bout 2 Jie but I'm wondering if she even have time to view our blogs.
I did blame her for not being able to acc us.
Is it cos of Javier I dunno, but I just wanna say
"Everyone is olwas busy, it's just a matter whether u make that initiative to spare some times for others."
Even a short time to crap and laugh, it's good enough isn't it.
Yes this time I'm very cruel, cos i can't accept a lot of things now.
I wonder if I'm really an 'angel' to have spared so many peeps with their very obvious and ridiculous excuses.
No more from now on.
I just can't accept.
Manda gets pissed off easily and she has no patience.
Manda won't be bullied again.
Manda gonna kills whoever that obstructs her way.
See, this is how an ASS I can get to.

I lose too much things to bare the hurts.
All I can do now is to hurt others.
God, am I right now?.
It may sounds so wrong,
but it's somehow fixed.
I don't intend to live on,
maybe let me get my stuffs done and feel free to shorten my life.
Perhaps many ppl dislikes me now.
Maybe even my closest jie meis may dislike and feels me irritating.
Think I'm just living on to take good care of my uncle's phone.

Alright, more to do ltr.
MCT lab report.
There's neva endings for work.
It just keeps compiling.

Ohaiyo gozaimasu!. =)
Doing research and blogging at the same time.
Argh... No music.
Okay, YOUTUBE then!.
I'm hoping that this post will be long,
to fulfill the week's requirement.
Wonder if I've time to blog that often.
Doubt on myself.
LOL.

These days, reviewing my life, recovering from the "depression" I'd past few weeks.
It's really a disaster lah -.-
Calling for death whenever I've problems,
this really show the real weakness in me.
Hating nobody but myself.
Why am I born to be in such a pathetic state.
But come to think of it,
it's life lah.
God gives you what u're suppose to have.
NO one is perfect,
so why compare?.
I'm ugly, stupid, slow and whatever you can name it out.
But I have some mature thoughts that perhaps can help me out in LIFE?.
Yah.. Gotta accept the fact and get on moving.
One more year for Poly to end.
And I can't imagine what will happen to me if I gonna work alone for SIP.
Hope my friends will be there too -.-

And LIFE teaches what PEOPLE are.
I accept it anyway.
Huiyi you should know it too yea?!.
LOL.

And I feel bad for some reasons.
No point saying out here unless I'm able to compensate.

Wow wow!!~
Loving "way back into love"---> Super nice =)
Love?. where's mine?.
Hahas. No lah.
Am I even fit enough to get involve?.
Hais. Missing him.

Love to ---> My Jie meis,
AF-15 clique,
Weisian & Shermaine
Chilling club

LOL.

Cheers & ganbatte kudasai!.

Muahahahs!.
I'm back! =D
Wau seh... It was a terrible experience last 2 weeks.
Worse than anything I could ever expect -.-
But yup, now that it's close to OVER, I make sure we work closely tgt again and do OUR BEST =)

These days, we've been chasing bus you know!!!.
And it's really funny!.
LOL.
Run and there like chasing an invisible idol =P
If I've time I'll draw it out to show what happened exactly =X LOL.

Today, it's basically a "CELEBRATION" for Huiyi and me.
Some ASSHOLE said he'll bring us to register for the BTT,
and ended up pang seh us for movie -.-
but he never keep his promise
Okay, I'm not angry cos he join the rest for movie,
plus I hate his PROJECTS.
Whoever he wanna flirt with, I wish him bad luck =X
Come on, don't play the innocent gals out there u ASSHOLE TAN KE WEE!.
As a buddy of urs, I'm disappointed.
Need not try so damn hard to make up for me, cos it's a NO USE.
I hate ppl doing things for SHOW.
I'm not an actress, so don't get me and Huiyi involve ks =)
ASSHOLE.
Pissed off by such person.

Anyway, ppl changes.
So I gotta accept it.
Hais.
Wadeva, I enjoyed myself today.
Had fun.
So long haven't had such laughters from me.
Btw, all tests to me were fine, but I can't guarantee all pass la.
I did my best, I'm glad enough =D
Next round, gotta AIM FOR SMTH.
Ganbatte kudasai!.

Arigato Huiyi san for the shade!. =D
It's damn cool la.
Iyo, owe u one!. =X

Muahahahahahs.
Okay, oyasumi kudasai minasan!. =)

This is such a torturing la.
First time do project till I cry out.
Scared my korkor.
Korkor, thx ar... U've been olwas tolerating my bad temper.
Only way to repay u is to treat u nicer in future. LOL.
So damn pissed off.
I shall reflect my opinons to these ppl then to Huang Yan.
I'd done my part, after lotsa editing -.-
Huiyi too.. Know she's sort of agitated and stressed up too.
Goman nasai, u have a very dumb group member like me,
but I'm doing my best, and my shares.

Alright, have lots to do.
But what I gotta do now, is rest.
Hais.. kanna diarrhea today -.-
Went to poo just now T.T

Btw, thx Hao, Rin and WS for all ya encouragements. =)
I will try my best de.

Domo arigato gozaimasu!.

Sayonara~

I feel so stressed up la.
Why must I help her to so her part?.
Unless she's proactive, or I don't see the reason why.
It's so unfair, in fact, god has never been fair isn't it.
Really sudden thought of committing suicide, is this the optimum stress level I can get to?.
I think it's rather low -.-
I'm weak.
Mentally weak.
It's like I have to clear up people's mess, and when I can't get to certain standard, I gotta redo it like today -.-
It's like so pissed off la T.T
What I can do is to cry and cry...
crying in silent while finishing up all those mess.
I don't hate the project, I feel it fun indeed.
But it's torturing to do so much stuffs =X
I felt so humiliated for no valid reason out of sudden.
Now I'm still left with Jap presentation and MBIO tutorial ws.
Dead, so much to do la.
Can I fall sick again?.
I wanna be sick 4eva, I wanna die, I don't like my life since very long time ago.
I see no reason to live on.
Not at all.

Depression~

Yoyo peeps I'm back again!.
My blog is rather dull now.
Not much picture to share -.-
How I wish holidae nears me XP

Hais. I skipped I-Guides camp again -.-
Hey not cos I did it purposely, it's really due to projects and that I don't feel well too.
I know some will be very unhappy with me,
apology won't suffice,
so I'll keep it low profile then.
I do hate myself,REALLY.

Mum has been missing Ojiisan badly these days.
And with all the good memories he left for us,
I can only say, I miss him very much.
It's damn hard to accept such tradegy,
but no one would ever expect that =(
His phone will be with me,
I'll maintain it well.
Something he left behind and I can take care of.

I had so much to say, but I really forgot.
My STM getting serious le,
one day I may forget a lot of ppl.
Omg, wad will happen to me then.
-.-

Life and death,
it's just a matter of word.

Love,
the random.

Omg!.
I'm so freaking tired T.T
Omg!.
See, I'm scolding vulgarities again.
Manda STOP IT!.
Alright, basically today is CCN, then our care group sells drinks.
Profits earned shall be kept confidential.
LOL.

In the afternoon, Jerry came to find me in school,
so glad to see him lah!.
And he counted...
We'd not seen one another for 1 entire year!!.
See how pathetic it can take to be -.-
Alright, then we chat and me crap again.
Iyo... keep asking whether I got bf...
Don't have la!.. Don't have don't have!!.
Haisyo... And he mentioned that I look plump T.T
"plump", "fat", are enemies to all girls!.
And yet... OMG!.

And yup, ltr gonna meet out the rest for ABCHEM project.
Hope we do smth, yes at least smth.
Jia you!. =)

Shack~

Iyoyo!!..
So tired~
Haven't really studied yet.
Hais.
Horight, gg to study MCT le, wish me luck =D
Byebye~

Muahahahahs...

He chat with me today...

So GAY~

Wadeva, he's enough to brighten up my day.

I'm willing to hear his craps =P

I know I can neva be his choice, but I'm willing to be his shelter if he encounters any rain or shine.

I won't confess I swear, to not be his burden.

I will pray for him lo =D

He is the man whom I think is worth it somehow somewhat~

Lesson learnt todae:
# Rather than complaining, you teach.
# Rather than hurting yourself, you do smth useful to him =)

Ohaiyo minasan.

kyo wa fruitful day ne =)

Had ABCHEM meeting and Japanese tutorial.
Was rather pissed off these days by the problems we had and minimal effort some people can give.
If we have problems, we solve as a group, and not insulting and blaming one particular individual.
It's a group thingy, we gotta do our best, the more we can contribute, the more we're able to get things done well.
Alright, perseverance is what we need to acquire now.

Next, wanna apologize to my gals for not been able to work last sunday.
Had bad fever, bad day~
Hais. Or did I mention it in the earlier post?. LOL.

Last thing of the day, I shouted out in kw's car that I miss HIM a lot.
LOL.
Huiyi knows bout it.
Alright, I'm crazy, I' insane, I'm out of mind, I KNOW.
But I can't help it.
Can I be there for YOU when u need someone?.
Hey I can still be your good fren and nth more than that.
I miss the supper and late nites revision.
Argh...
I can only msg you and act as if I'm giving a random and disturbing msg.
But u didnt even make an effort to relpy my last msg.
What's the matter with you?. And what's happening in your world now?.
Is it that I'm not fit enough or simply you have someone else?.
I hate myself for liking you cos it somehow occurs at the wrong time wrong person.
I know your scandals but what can I do?.
I don't even dare to mention that to u -.-
Hais. Wadeva. I'm tired and it's time I really gotta wish you happy and healthy~
A piece of misses which you can't and neva can sense it.
It's like we're from different world, not knowing one another at all.
RRRRrrrr... You gay~

Announcement of the day:
* Jap tut w/o Frenly and Marissa is exceptionally boring!. =X
* I wanna start my revision le -.-
* I give up le. Freeze my mind and misses.
* Happy Birthdae to Hao Hao!. =D
* Happy Birthdae to Hao's Mummy tml on 14th Nov 07
* I miss my Jie meis.

Sayonara!~
Manda san.---> She's a DUMB.

Ohaiyo gozaimasu minasan!. =)
It's morning le, 12:30am

This post will be rather short.
Wanna thanks alot of people.
To lotus peeps, my QJM, my family, AF-15 clique plus HuiYi and KeWee and Marissa,
thx for giving me such a wonderful birthday surprise =)
Went to K for 2 subsequent days with Af-15 and my Jie meis.
TIme to organize one with lotus peeps le,
or I'll feel so guilty la =(

Btw, he's back.
He's back again..
But this time,I'll know how to control my own feelings.
We tok and yup, we'll be frens and let nature takes its place bah.

Thx Mama, caused u to have spent so much.
Love you so much!.
Be it a cheap jewelery, I know where I stand in you.
Cost u such a big bomb, made me feel sorry, cos tt's the exchange for your hard work these days.
No leaves for you.
=(
Love you mama no matter wad =)
Thx to my 2nd bro for the cake too =)
Touched. =X
And my fatty bro for entertaining me these years =P

Love ya guys muacks!. =)

Love,
Manda* sweet 18